VUE

98 VUENJ.COM "Do you know where my passport is?" Jimmy called out from the bedroom. Joy let out an exasperated sigh. "Really, Jimmy? You wait until we're about to leave before you go searching for it?!" Her tense, strained voice was met with silence. "Check the safe," she offered, more kindly. A moment later, Jimmy appeared in the kitchen beside her, triumphantly holding his passport alo as if it were Simba and he Rafiki. "It was in the safe," he grinned. "What would I do without you?" "Right?" Joy grumbled, then caught herself. It wasn't her husband's fault they would be missing her mother's Christmas roast, time spent with relatives she hadn't seen all year. Sure, skipping Christmas was his idea, but Joy had eagerly agreed. e truth was that spending the holiday surrounded by families with children was beginning to sting. "Are you guys thinking about having a baby?" a well-meaning aunt might ask, not knowing the rounds of IVF they had already endured, desperate to expand their hearts and home. "How's it going? Any updates?" came the questions from those who did know about their four failed attempts. e upcoming embryo transfer would bring on a fresh round of questions, but what if it didn't work? She had her hopes and dreams dashed four times already. It hurt to hold on to this hope, especially with only one embryo to transfer this time. Joy had already browsed Etsy for the onesies that read "e Little Embryo at Could," picturing herself holding their newborn dressed in one. Sometimes she imagined the weight of her whole world, six, seven, maybe nine pounds, resting right there in her arms. "Are you going to make it on time, honey?" her mother's concerned voice came through the car's speakers. "Hopefully," Joy responded. "But the weather's looking pretty grim." She craned her neck to scan the increasingly grey sky. "It looks like it's about to snow any second." "Well, be careful, dear," her mother replied. "And you know we will miss you terribly on Christmas. Both of you." "We will miss all of you, too." Sadness trembled at the edge of Joy's voice, but she quickly pushed it down with a sniff. "I'll call before takeoff ! Love you! Bye!" She put on a smile as she clicked off the call and turned to Jimmy. "Ready for Germany?" "Ready if you are, baby," her husband said with a smile. She smiled back and returned to the window. e heavy clouds gathered overhead, darkening the sky considerably since they had le home. You're excited for Germany, she reminded herself. A Christmas without questions. A different kind of Christmas. But as the miles passed beneath them, Joy couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was leaving something behind. ree hours and copious amounts of snacks and people- watching later, Joy leaned into Jimmy. "ink we'll board in the next hour?" He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'm starting to wonder if staying home was the better idea. We might be better off heading back and getting some sleep, at least. I doubt we'll be taking off tonight." e storm had descended, blanketing the runways with snow and leaving the airport terminals swollen with holiday travelers eager for their departures and eventual arrivals. George Michael crooned overhead as Joy watched a mother rock her infant back and forth to the beat, leaning down every so oen to leave a dusting of tiny kisses on top of the baby's head. Joy saw herself there next year, dancing with their baby to "Last Christmas" and inhaling that "eau de baby" scent new parents can't get enough of. Maybe next year "Let's go home," Joy announced firmly. I'll give it to someone Jimmy's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Really? You want to? What if we miss the flight?" I'll give it to someone special "Let's miss it," Joy said with a grin. "ere's always next year." There's Always Next Year F I C T I O N B Y K R I S T I N A C C O R S I T H E L A S T P A G E

• Cover