VUE

here are only a few things harder for a newly separated or divorced woman than turning the pages on the calendar. October turns into November; Thanksgiving becomes Christmas; Christmas blends into the New Year. Dates and holidays that were once times of joy now serve as painful reminders of a home life that once was—reflections of family celebrations that have forever been altered. As a divorce attorney of Budd Larner in Short Hills, NJ— and as someone who has gone through my own tumultuous divorce—one of the best pieces of advice I can offer is to remember that the past is the past. While the good times should be remembered, turning the metaphorical page is the indispensable key to success. An instrumental part of moving on is a focus on self- awareness—being able to express yourself and how you're feeling with someone willing to listen. For my clients, I find that working with the right therapist can be a godsend; especially one they feel comfortable confiding in, confessing their fears and speaking about the unthinkable. Professionals work to encourage patients in these stressful situations to be the best version of themselves. One can find great solace in starting a dialogue with a therapist. Tara Colandrea, a Licensed Professional Therapist and owner of Kindness Counts Therapy in Westfield, NJ, offers clinical advice to women going through divorce. During her years of practice, she recognizes that the holiday season brings its own pressures and concerns for her divorced (or divorcing) patients. Even if the divorce was imminent, or the right choice, Colandrea explained, "Patients may still be in a state of shock, simply going through the motions to overcome a depressed or melancholy state that they are in, especially during the holidays. The importance is to recognize the warning signs, and speak about your feelings." A therapist can help you process these emotions and move toward a calm and happy psychological place. However there are things you can do on your own as well; the starting of new traditions, re-kindling of prior relationships with old friends, and volunteering for those who are less fortunate are all positive steps. Top services to seek out in this area of coping are: Individual Counseling, Family Therapy, Parenting Workshops, Anxiety Group Counseling, and last but certainly not least, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In addition to healing the mind, it's important for a woman to remember to take time for herself. Spas, med spas, and salons can be very therapeutic environments when going through, or just finishing, a divorce. Finding services that help one relax and indulge are often the right recipe to help one look and feel years younger; giving them a renewed sense of self-confidence. These boosts of self-service are especially important during the holiday season. Heather DeVita, owner, and Dr. Richard Maggio, Medical Director, of Luminous Medspa and Salon in New Providence, NJ often examine the internal questioning women face concerning their appearance, youth, and desirability. These periods of self-reflection can be especially difficult for a woman during a divorce. "When you are newly single, or about to become single, it is important to have the confidence in yourself to face family and friends in your newly single role," DeVita said. When considering more permanent treatment, it's important to seek a quality med spa—particularly one that follows the motto: "Everyone should notice but no one should know." Although fillers and Botox may not always be the answer judicious use of services such as these (performed by individuals in the top of their field) can help any woman, certainly including those who are just emerging from the throes of divorce, feel like they can take on the world again. Fraxel laser treatments, PRP hair restoration and Sculptra liquid facelifts are among the most popular in this area. Whatever path one decides to take on their journey to regaining control of their sense of self, it's important to remember that seeking professional help and indulging at the spa are merely two key pieces of the puzzle. Restoring every facet of one's life will ultimately serve as the roadmap to a happy, healthy new chapter. Navigating Divorce and Rebuilding a Sense of Self BY KAROLINA DEHNHARD, ESQ. VUE ON WELLNESS V U E N J . C O M 120

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